Some important backstory, to give you context to my situation. Back in 2014, I started seeing this boy around November time, and we spoke and hung out and kissed a few times but ultimately I ended up breaking up with him around Christmas time because I wasn’t really feeling it as such.

Then, fast forward to leaving high school in July of 2015, I started to get close with another boy who I’m now engaged to. Turns out they’re step brothers… Oops, wasn’t intentional.

Now, 9 years later I’ve just spent a weekend with the first boy and the rest of my fiancé’s family for a short weekend break. It was quite awkward, not going to lie, and I didn’t know my ex was going to be there until the Thursday and we left on the Friday, so it was really too late to think of an excuse to not go (unless, by some miracle, I broke a leg or something, which didn’t happen).

We didn’t speak for the entire weekend. It wasn’t an unpleasant reunion, but it wasn’t comfortable. I feel bad for not saying anything, but I didn’t really know what to say or how or when.

His caravan backed onto our caravan, which was uncomfortably close but when you make a booking with 5 separate caravans they try to keep everyone as close together as they can, I guess.

I can’t speak for him but I can believe it was weird for him too. I got the feeling he wanted to talk, he kept trying to stand near me during conversations but I got anxious and walked away or started talking to my fiancé’s twin sister’s kid, my niece.

On Friday evening, we all got together as a family and ordered pizza, and I felt weird eating in front of everyone anyway so I only really managed a few slices despite ordering a half. I’m weird with food and situations anyway and it was quite uncomfortable all weekend for me in that way.

I didn’t enjoy standing in what is essentially not a lot of clothes, in my bikini when we went swimming, but the rest of the girls on the trip were wearing bikinis so I didn’t want to also look weird by wearing a swimming costume. The pool was fine, no one can really tell what you look like underwater, but I’m currently going through a really insecure patch right now and I am not comfortable at all with what I look like and I don’t like how I feel in my own skin. So to stand there in a bikini next to my ex boyfriend was not a fun situation.

Overall, it was me who was the bad person all those years ago, so I can’t hold anything against him, but it wasn’t the most comfortable of reunions and I’m quite lucky (or unlucky?) that it took almost 10 years before we saw each other again, considering my fiancé and him are technically step-brothers. They’ve not spoken to each other from what I know for years, not properly at least, except for family events and weddings where I haven’t attended, so they’re not close step-brothers.