I had to apply for ‘Exceptional Circumstances’ for my assignment submissions this trimester. I was hoping that I could get to the end of my degree, unscathed, or at least with a graze not a gash.
But alas, life has turned its tables and I am now sitting, 20 minutes away from the ‘real’ deadline (the one they give you first, at the start of your modules) with nothing more than a bullet pointed plan as my assignment submissions. I’m hoping my Exceptional Circumstances gets approved and I get a decent length for my extension, because as I’ve said already to many people, the circumstances have well and truly been exceptional.
I don’t like to shout too much about what I do day to day, because it feels like I’m bragging or trying to garner attention or sympathy. But in reality, I just need to offload it from my brain because oh my it gets a bit busy in there.
I recently lost a family member to a stroke. They were hospitalised for a short while, and then the inevitable happened. This was difficult enough, and then I was requested to carry the coffin out of the funeral. This whole thing knocked almost a month off my studying, I couldn’t focus.
As soon as I started to settle back in however, one Monday night on our return home from volunteering we were stopped by a person in the road. Initially we thought there had been an accident, but instead it turned out they were suicidal. I can’t begin to describe the feelings, and I don’t want to say too much because clearly this person was distressed and you have to be feeling something terrible to get into this position.
It was something of a true learning experience to be a part of such a situation, and I was proud of how everyone involved handled it. There’s something to be said about being taken out of your comfort zone and being held up down Mousehold until almost 2am to save someone’s life.
Ultimately, all in, I have been really struggling with my degree.
That and the feeling that it’s never ending. I’ve bypassed my original graduation date. This actually makes me feel really useless, despite it not being my fault. My redundancy was handled in the worst way possible from my former employer, and I was lucky enough to be allowed to restart, but at this stage I’m so fed up with it all.
Knowing I should be fully qualified and earning a real wage right now actually makes my stomach drop and I can’t think about it too much.
I have no submission, and I’m scared that my Exceptional Circumstances won’t be approved in August because that means my assignments will be marked as a Fail and then I won’t be able to get much more than a 2.2.
A degree is a degree at the end of the day but for once in my life I was determined to get a 1st, the top mark, not by fluke but by sheer determination and hard work but that’s not going to happen now and it hurts.
I shouldn’t be putting as much pressure on myself to achieve so much because I do actually do so much and I am at risk of burning myself out.
I just want it to be over, and I can finally stop being an apprentice. I just want to be done with education now. I’m basically 25 years old and I’m still in school, to put it short. I would like to graduate now, please, and have it done with.
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